Damn the bad luck. I wanted to be the Ebola czar. It didn’t happen. I didn’t even get a call from the President. I’ll be talking to my therapist about this next week.
Who better than me to quell the deep fears related to this out of control, menacing epidemic in the U.S.? I mean c’mon–we’re up to a total of 3 people out of 320+ million of us who have been confirmed as having Ebola. You just can’t be too careful. Here is my short list of ideas to conquer this peril:
- We need to build a wall around the entire U.S. including all the coasts. This will prevent Ebola-carrying terrorists from entering illegally.
- Planes will fly along the edge of the wall 24-hours a day spraying Ebola disinfectant. [Ebola disinfectant is our new growth industry for those of you looking for an investment tip. You can thank me later.]
- We need to cancel all the direct flights from Africa to the U.S. (in spite of the fact there aren’t any). This suggestion comes from an esteemed member of Congress.
- We need to immediately put into quarantine anyone who knows any of the people on the Ebola watch list even if they are only friended on Facebook and have never met.
- You sneeze, cough, have the slightest fever or display an instance of flatulence, and boom–you’re in a 21-day quarantine in Kansas. It will be a bit like the Guantanamo Bay facility, not like a 4-star hotel.
- The TSA agents must wear the Ebola hazmat gear at all security checkpoints and in any of their “behind the scenes” work. It won’t make us any safer, but, at least it looks like they are doing something to make us safer which is what they are used to doing anyway–make us think they are making us safer.
My bulleted list is a work in process. I hope the real Ebola czar will see this and call me–assuming he’s not contracted Ebola and in quarantine. Stay safe out there!
Photo Courtesy of Jordi Beernabeu Farrus on Flickr
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Dave Gardner, Gardner & Associates Consulting http://www.gardnerandassoc.com
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